hang with me
So. ~tilting head quizzically~
It’s funny how things happen in a torrent. No sooner do i decide to stop blogging when … well, stuff happens in the background that has me torn between being vastly entertained, mildly perplexed, and a bit concerned for someone about whom i care.
Blogging, truly, is a very odd thing.
i remember, back when i first ventured online, some of the chat drama in which i became embroiled. This sort of reminds me of that, and it was a phenomena from which i removed myself after the first ridiculous incident in which someone pretended to be male when they were, actually, not. The whys and the wherefores are now ten years gone, but i decided then that i would become, as is my way, rather distant from such things. And i have … although, granted, i don’t participate in chat to quite the extent i did then.
Blogging has some of those same elements, though it is a step removed. Immediacy isn’t an issue like it is in chat, but blogging leaves a more lasting record, unless one is prone to deleting posts. Being the blog “purist” that i am, ~wry look~ i cannot see my way clear to actually deleting something, but i have been known to either protect or make a post private. Of late, i lean more toward the privacy angle, as protected posts only serve to frustrate those who can see but not read them. The drawback to private posts is that, unless one can log in to the blog, even the person for whom the private post was meant cannot see it.
It’s an imperfect world.
A phone call and an online conversation last night have me pondering my decision to stop blogging. Those two things, combined with the terribly flattering reaction of my readers, both in comments, and in emails and IMs, have made me realize that not blogging at all is not necessarily the answer. The blog, you see, is not the problem. Indeed, the blog is an evolutionary process that should change and grow as i change and grow. And, while the decision to stop blogging is often a valid one, as someone pointed out to me last night, shortly before he enjoyed me in other ways, stopping because of another person isn’t necessarily a good reason.
It is a matter of focus. i think i need to change my focus. And i need to understand that, although i may know what is in my head and in my heart when i place words here for the world to read, others do not. The assumptions made by those people can be quite erroneous. Quite. And … that is not my fault nor is it my responsibility to correct those assumptions. Quite frankly, your assumptions place you at a disadvantage, not me. Because you might be surprised at my blunt honesty if you were to simply ask me.
In any case, those of you who read me because you enjoy me, i hope you’ll hang with me here while i give this change in focus some thought. And those who read me to try and garner some tidbit of a clue as to my motivations or actions … or fucking lack thereof … keep tormenting yourselves.
One does not keep company with sadists for as long as i have and not absorb a bit of their cruelty.
I enjoy the taste of your words. None of the rest matters.
Buffalo,
Thank you. What a delicious way to say that.
elise
I love witnessing this process! There’s so much learning and growing everywhere – if we only open ourselves to entertaining the possibility of thinking/being different.
And I agree with Buffalo – your words are mighty tasty, no matter what you’re writing… or what is motivating you to write it.
Rock on, baby.
Thank you, Elizavetta.
Oddly, i imagine you purring the word “baby” at me when you tell me to rock on, and stroking my hair with approval.
~perplexed look~
i really need to explore a percolating fantasy i’ve been avoiding.
elise
Well, it is nice to be enjoyed, no?
I’d best leave it at that: my mood this day is … fevered (tho not from illness).
haha… yes, I’ve been known to purr. Purrrcolating fantasy, huh? Well, now, you’ve got me intrigued (like you didn’t already).
;)
Very nail on the head, Beth. It is quite nice to be enjoyed.
Heh, Elizavetta. i’m working on it. i’m not quite sure i’m ready to have the fantasy, much less write it.
elise
But if you write it, perhaps you don’t have to have it?
Wrong. So wrong. Writing it makes it real. Trust me.
elise
Mmm, interesting. For me, sometimes, writing about a certain thing can be a way of keeping it distant, while at the same time releasing it.
That’s one of the reasons i so love writing, and other creative outlets. We get so many different things out of it … both in the reading and in the writing.
elise
Fabulous post
- especially the sentece about “tormenting yourself”
I laughed out loud ! :-) so good!
Will hang.
Foucs/refocus/defocus… all you wish, as long as you wish, as repeatedly as you wish!
P
P,
Thank you, darling. i’m so happy you (and my other readers) are willing to give me this time.
elise
Glad to hear you are back,Elise. I can more or less identify with you in the above blog. Ive left chatting from another adult chatroom to use LuvAutumnLuvNyc as noone knows me here and I do not have to deal with “stalking” by social misfits. It certaintly is “an imperfect world”.
Thank you, Christina.
elise
Please, please, please, never let anyone silence you. You are a clear, blunt and marvelous voice.
David
David,
My goodness … thank you. i promise i’ll try to let nobody silence me. At least not without benefit of a gag.
elise
Second thoughts are often more satisfying and honest than first ones…maybe because there’s more juice flowing, maybe because of a change in focus, maybe because of a smoldering insight. No matter. We won’t grieve you…but simply be here.
Ah, Kaz … that’s lovely. And thank you.
elise