greedy slut
i began to post a response to a comment string on the third installment of my fledgling serialized story absolution, when i realized i had far more to say than i wanted confined to a comment box. So i decided, obviously, to make it a post instead.
The compliment to my writing aside (for which i am profoundly grateful, by the way,) i feel the need to assure everyone who reads me that absolution is entirely fictional. Yes, it is inspired … by someone provokingly real, but the results of that inspiration are being constructed completely inside my head, fueled by fear, by fantasy, and by countless other conscious and unconscious factors.
Artists need constant inspiration, and seek it greedily. We crave it really, rather like a drug, an addiction from which one cannot hide. i know most of you know what i mean, because, although this is certainly a sex blog, a true seeker of simple pornography would have little patience for wading through the layers of introspection and nuance that litter the way to the smut. Which leaves those who understand what i mean about the addiction.
If i am a slave, it is not to any man or to any man’s friend. i am just a girl who writes, who strings together words in a way i hope will evoke a feeling, an emotion. The addict seeks a payoff, a high, if you will, and in the case of the artist, the writer, the musician, that high comes in the form of reaction. Truth be told, i don’t give a fuck what my writing makes you feel …
… as long as it makes you feel something.
Yes. i am a greedy slut.
[imagine your entire post quoted here]
My reaction:
Fuck yes! Exactly. Yes.
Thank you for articulating this.
Elizavetta,
Thank you, darling.
elise
Hmmm. Ooookay. (Note to self: fewer comments and less honesty.)
Kaz,
This was inspired by what you posted. i liked and appreciated the honesty, and i totally and completely look forward to your comments. i did not mean this as a retialiation for your comment.
i’m so sorry if it came off that way. Please don’t commment less … please? And definitely do not sacrifice honesty.
Or, perhaps, the problem lies with me. Maybe i should write less and keep it all benign.
~troubled look~
elise
(Applause)
Thank you, Buffalo.
elise
I, for one, should hope not.
I second LouFCD, again. Also, we can’t write to please our readers!! It is suicide to try. They can never be pleased. They don’t even speak the same language. With absolution, you didn’t write just one series, it’s different for each one of us that reads it.
For example, I didn’t think that absolution was in any way non fiction - the thought never crossed my mind. The main character is named elise - classic subterfuge. Instead, after parts one and two, I was interested and eager to read part three. Then with part three I was pissed! upset! saddened! I was reminded of that plot that I fucking hated in the story of O. (takes deep breath)
I’m calmer now… less benign please…
Ah, yes. There’s also a reason the character is named elise. And i truly don’t think i could write less or be more benign.
There are qualities in me that some would consider far less than submissive. Hell, most would consider them less than submissive. i think you can rest assured that what you tend to get from me is all me.
And yes, i know you think differently sometimes. But then, even you aren’t always right.
elise
In reading the recent comments on “absolution,” i find it puzzling that there seems to be a shocked reaction from some. Maybe it’s because the scenario in the story has been presented to me before, hypothetically, as in being asked what would i do if i were to be given away, traded, by One that i love and adore…knowing that it would be a test of trust, a demonstration of devotion to Him, for Him. i haven’t had this happen, so i don’t really know how i would behave, i could only know how i would feel if i disobeyed.
Giving up complete control isn’t a choice made by a submissive, it is forced by uncontrollable trust, a trust that fuels a deep devotion.
From my perspective, i mean.
It’s a good exploration of that, this story, and i guess some aren’t familiar with the feelings such situations might present.
It seems you’ve struck some nerves elise, again :)
~grin~ Perhaps i’m also a greedy slut when it comes to hitting nerves?
elise
I think that truth.earns.trust has briefly touched on something important to the story.
That trust is a two-way street.
Trust is a two way street. And if elise has been holding back or second guessing with Erick, then she either doesn’t completely trust him, or doesn’t completely trust herself, perhaps.
~musing look~ i hadn’t pondered that, precisely.
elise
Well I’m happy to make you think about it from a new perspective, but I must admit I’m rather surprised, elise.
Usually you’re quite thorough about seeing things from all the different viewpoints.
Perhaps i’m not far enough away from this piece to garner such perspective.
elise
Now that in itself is rather interesting.
Thinking about it, the comment about the two-way street of trust…it’s clear that elise trusts Erick, she wouldn’t be there and love him if she didn’t feel that she did. At least the character seems that intelligent.
How much trust Erick has in her, and really the issue i think is how shaken the two-way street of trust will be with Caleb involved…how much does Erick trust Caleb with his elise? Where would the line of harm be drawn in this case, the point where trust would break?
Lou,
Isn’t it?
truth,
Personally, i think the more intelligent a person, the harder it is, sometimes, to trust. One can rationalize it away, you see, find reasons for caution.
As to the trust between Erick and Caleb? i think it need not be questioned.
elise
i guess i see the character as one who has been that cautious in coming to know Erick and being in the position that she’s in, that’s all. Unless she’s just blinded by a need to please and serve?
There is always the possibility of broken trust, even between Erick and Caleb. But if you say not to question that, then i shouldn’t think of Caleb crossing any boundaries Erick might have set, if any.
This could be a long and really good story, elise, thanks :)
*taps fingers* Well, within the trio, which is the most important dyad? Erick and elise? Or Erick and Caleb? And will creating a dyad out of elise and Caleb damage either or both of the others?
That’s what I’m waiting to see.
In terms of trust, often in these sorts of stories the submissive’s trust for her Master is transferred to the one he is giving her to — he becomes, in a way, an extension of her Master. Has to, in order for her to come through intact. I do wonder if elise (and Caleb) will be able to do that.
I mean, Caleb is maybe just going to feed her ice cream, you know?
truth,
Thank you. i hope it develops … i’m never sure, these days, if the words will be friendly to me.
Beth,
Erick and Caleb are undeniably important. As are elise and Erick, for entirely different reasons. i’m not sure where trust plays in all of this, yet.
i’m doing this on the fly.
elise
lol, Beth, about the ice cream thing.
if it’s ok elise, could i respond to Beth about this:
If it were me, and of course it isn’t in elise’s story, i’d be trusting Master and wouldn’t want to go with anyone else myself, and wouldn’t trust or transfer trust anywhere else. It would all be in Master, or He wouldn’t be Master in the first place. i’d trust that Master is in complete control.
In this story i don’t know how important it is for the character elise to come through intact, more the element of trust…with more than 2 involved, it could be tricky.
i feel like i’m hijacking this elise, sorry about that, it’s just a good debate.
No worries about hijacking. This is what blogging is all about. i like the debate and the commentary. And, because i’m me, the story is going to be what it is no matter what anyone thinks, of course.
i’m sort of contrary that way.
elise
I suppose I only meant that her trust in her Master would need to be whole-hearted enough that she’d be able to accept what the other gave her; she’d have to trust that he (her Master) knew what he was doing, by demanding this of her. He wouldn’t be a particularly decent Master (or person) if he didn’t have her best interests at heart — and if he wasn’t in control of the other man.
Ice cream - Yes! I vote for chocolate. Oh, wait, we’re talking about something else, here. Sorry :)
Seriously, though, whatever everyone thinks should or shouldn’t happen concerning trust in this story, I am really curious about how the tension plays out in elise; how that character (and she is a character) processes the energy of that tension.
As for Kaz’s earlier comment here: I don’t understand, Kaz. If Elise was inspired by your comment enough to write this post, why would you feel the need to censor yourself in the future? I would think, if anything, one might feel flattered by that, actually. I’m puzzled by this.
Beth,
If i were elise (heh) i can’t imagine being with a man who was controlled by another man. i know, however, that you have a different perspective than many.
Elizavetta,
Ah, yes. ~smile~ i can always count on you to understand me. i’m curious to see how it plays out, too. One of my chief joys in this sort of writing (and one i don’t have in my professional work) is having an idea … or a ghost of an idea … for a piece and finding out what happens. Because i don’t know either.
elise