… solipsubmissive …

“Sometimes … i fight back,” i whispered, then waited.

He chuckled a little.  “You almost always fight it.”

“Yeah,” i said softly.  Then, “i’m not very submissive, am i?”

i could hear the smile in his voice, his amazing, resonant voice.  “You are in your own way, elise.”

***

Getting to me is not easy.  i’m distant, poised, controlled.  Nearly always polite … quite chillingly so, in some cases.  Often, when i sense someone working their way in, i make it even more difficult for them.

The weak give up, and that’s fine with me.  But the others?  Ahh … the others.  They piss me off with their ability to touch me, to make me feel.  And i do feel things, very strongly, despite how it may sometimes appear.  Those who have read me know this.  But it’s one thing to write about my feelings.  Quite another to interact with it.  Or, more correctly, to try not to.

And the ones who know this … well.  They like to let me go, allow me time to build my walls, erect my defenses.  And then they come back, shatter the neatly constructed barriers until it is just me left, staring him down, belligerence flashing in my eyes. 

Yeah, it pisses me off.

Because i know, you see, that i cannot fight it long.  No.  Not them.  Not him.  And when i finally break, i am vulnerable, needy.  Exposed.  And, in the end, reduced to a puddle of pain or pleasure, at his whim.  At his mercy.

***

“I’m not going to become more attentive.  I’m not going to ask you to call just to make small talk.  I’m not going to wave hi every time I log into IM.  But I will treat you like the intelligent, witty, prey that you are.”

i sighed, then said the only thing possible.  “Thank you.”

And i meant it.