… solipsubmissive …

This is the seventh in a series of seven unrelated but theme connected tales.  You’ll find the first here:  one of seven

“I’m not insecure.  I’ve been through way too much fucking shit to be insecure.  I’ve got huge balls.  But I’ve been humbled.  That makes you grateful for every day you have.”

Drew Barrymore

Faith whimpered and blindly reached out with one hand, but her fingers fell just short of their goal.  She closed her eyes, exhaled softly.  “i know you’re there,” she whispered.  “i can feel you.”

Lucifer crossed his legs and sat back in the large leather chair, glanced down at the delicate hand curled so near the toe of his boot.  He could have helped her, could have slid his foot forward a fraction of an inch and given her the solace she sought in completing the connection.

He didn’t.  Instead, he leaned an elbow on the arm of the chair and cupped his chin in one hand, watching the girl who knelt below him, her knees drawn up beneath her.  Watched and recalled the conversation that had landed them here.

***

“i love you, Lucifer.  Despite everything.”

He raised amused brows.  “Despite … everything?”

Faith nodded.  “i don’t love what you represent, don’t love your deep-seated and often misplaced sense of pride.”

“Do you not think you are proud, princess?  Your signature virtue might be the foil to my vice, but humility is not the opposite of pride, you know.”

 ”Perhaps not the opposite, but had your pride been tempered with a touch of humility, you’d never have fallen.”  Faith’s voice was soft, but firm. 

Lucifer’s eyes flashed.  “Are you sure you want to use the hypocrisy of my fall from grace as your primary argument for practicing and promoting humility?”

Faith met his eyes bravely, but didn’t reply.

“Mm.”  He smiled, a slow, dark smile.  “Perhaps you should examine your own actions, princess.  There is pride in humility.  Especially in yours.” 

“No.  You’re redirecting.”

Lucifer chuckled softly.  “Shall I demonstrate the differences between humility and humiliation, Faith?  Hmm?  Have you ever been humbled, as opposed to actually being humble?”  She opened her mouth to argue, but he cut her off.  “Don’t bother answering.  You hold your head up, darling.  Take your justified pride in the virtue you wear like a protective cloak.”

“That’s not fair.  i don’t hide behind humility, nor do i wield it as a weapon by which i can vanquish pride.”

“Did you not just do that?  My pride got me booted from Heaven, a fact you were happy to point out just a few moments ago.  You sought to disarm me in advance, by informing me of your love.”  Lucifer snorted.  “Keep your virtue, Faith, and your love.  I don’t need either.”  He turned away.

Stricken, Faith stepped up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist.  “No, please.  i didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He stood rigid, ignoring her embrace, her urgent tone.  “You vilify my pride, but allow His.  Make no mistake, princess.  It was not only my pride that orchestrated my fall, but His, as well.”  His voice softened.  “Who do you love more, Faith?”

She swallowed.  “There is no way for me to answer that.”

“Find a way.”  His words were hard, crisp, and she cringed.

Silence stretched between them, tangible and thick.  Faith turned her head, rested her cheek against the warmth of his back.  After a few moments, she whispered, “You.  i love you.”

Triumph washed through him, and he smiled, the slow, satisfied smile of a predator who had cornered his prey.   “Show me, Faith.”  He disengaged her arms and turned around, pushed her back a couple steps.  “I don’t believe you.”

A combination of pain and panic gripped her.  She looked up at him, watched as the glimmer of a smile faded, leaving his expression cold, hard, and impassive.  “How?” 

He raised one brow and crossed his arms.  “That’s what I thought,” he said, shortly.  “You know where to find me if you figure it out.”  He stepped around her and headed for the door.

Faith stood in shock, her heart in her throat, then turned swiftly, her dark hair swirling in an arc.  “Lucifer!  Don’t go … please!”  She ran after him, caught his hand as it was reaching for the door.  Hot tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks as she fell to her knees and pressed her lips against the backs of his fingers.  “i do love you.  my humility is not more important than your pride.”

He pulled his hand from her grasp.  “Words,” he said.  He strode across the room to the leather club chair, leaving her on her knees by the door.  “Easily said, princess.  i want more than that.”  He sat down and crossed his legs.

Faith bit her lip and bowed her head, thought about the unexpected fear she’d felt when it seemed he would walk out of her life.  She took a shuddering breath, then turned and began crawling toward him.  When she’d almost reached him, he spoke again.  “Stop.”

She stilled and raised her eyes, tear-stained and uncertain, to his.  When he said nothing else, she lowered her forehead to the floor, whimpered and stretched out a hand toward him.

***

After some time had passed, after he felt she’d been sufficiently humbled, Lucifer stirred.  “Come here, Faith.”

Grateful, she crawled the last few feet and slipped her head onto his knee.  “i’m sorry i hurt you, Lucifer.”

He stroked her hair, then grasped a handful and tilted her face up to his.  “You didn’t hurt me.  I’m proud of you, pet.” he said, and pulled her up into his lap.  With a content little sigh, Faith settled into the curve of his arm and nuzzled her face into his neck.